“The best mind-altering drug is truth”
Lily Tomlin
"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind"
Rudyard Kipling
It’s not you it’s me (oh fuck off)
What a bastard shit bugger line if ever you heard one
How many times have you had to go through the pain of hearing this shit?
And as for as “can we still be friends” Why don’t you just do one and jump of the nearest cliff.
These individuals that say this don’t want us. They don’t want to be bloody friends. They have fucked us right off the bastards.
So why do we then text them, and then text them again 4 hours later?
And then 48 hours after that
Then you text them “one last time “drunk out of your mind and ask them for a fuck.
Desperate or what
Why oh why do we do this…. Time after time again
All this behavior is because of a thing us mere mortals develop called attachment. The hardest thing for us to deal with is change and unfortunately change is the one thing we can rely on most in our life.
So if it is 100% guaranteed that nothing is ever going to remain the same, why do we hold on so desperately to people, places and situations.
The thing is “it’s not you it’s me” couldn’t be more correct. They ARE the ones that have decided to move on, THEY are the ones that decided to change the situation and as individuals we have to get it into our poor broken hearts. We have done nothing, it is just CHANGE.
The only thing we HAVE to do is except it, allow them to go and allow ourselves to accept that the change has happened.
Breaking up with someone is tough. But after you have cried for them you then cry for yourself and your broken dreams of the future. This is when we can get ourselves in all sorts of emotional messes.
Emotions are important and if some psychotherapist thinks that it is weak to cry constantly for 3 days and lock yourself in your bedroom after being dumped they can fuck right off. Letting go of your emotions is all part of the grieving process. Emotions are good and they are what make the good times feel great but we do need to gain some balance within them when the going gets tough. 3 days in bed crying, all good get it out, 6 weeks in bed crying you have to pull your socks up darling.
Once we have got over the pain and shock of losing someone or a situation changing we have to learn to detach ourselves otherwise we all get close to becoming a serious text stalker and /or danger to yourself and your credibility.
What goes on in our imagination and in reality are often very different. It is hard to make sense of the truth when your brain is fried with too many emotions and possible come downs from your “wipe out my memory and therefore the pain vodka and coke” benders.
The following exercise will help you to lose the attachment you have with an ex. The method behind this exercise can actually be adjusted for anything that you wish to set yourself free from but to keep it simple let’s just keep with the drama of being dumped.
Often when we feel that we need someone in our life we are using the person or situation to fill a void within ourselves that we haven’t got to grips with yet and this is what we need to bring into your reality.
The fact is we kid ourselves with shit excuses as we aren’t brave enough to admit the truth. We aren’t brave enough to know we deserve better and it is now time to answer some home truths and see it with fresh eyes of reality, clear as day in black and white.
Task:
Grab yourself some paper or bog roll for those in the full Toilet Training moment and get answering these questions.
1: What is the current situation? I.E. she has text me it is over as she has got back with her husband. Write it all down
2: Take another look at what you have written down. Divide up what is the truth about what is happening right now and what is in your imagination about the future. Create two separate lists if you would like to see the differences more clearly.
2: Why do you want that person back? Write down at least 12 reasons
3: Why is this person causing your problems? How are they making you feel at this moment?
4: Why does this person deserve to have you? Write a list of everything you have done for them on one sheet of paper and on another piece of paper write a list of everything that they have done for you. Sit back and compare
Take a look at your lists and your answers to all the above questions, really focus and then go to question 5.
5: Why do you need this person in your life? Why do you have to have them?
6: What would happen if you let them go?
7: Think of a person you really admire and look up too. How would they behave in the situation you are currently in? Would they do what you have been doing? Would they feel how you have been feeling? If different how would they feel?
7: If they don’t love you, it leaves you with yourself. Do you think that you are ready to learn to love yourself?
Discovering why we NEED someone so bad when they clearly have moved on is a huge eye opener to our weaknesses. This is exactly what this exercise will show. From here it really is up to you. We often project our emotional needs onto someone or something else.
If this is something that you wish to investigate more deeply Buddhism has a great philosophy on this and you can gain a deep sense of understanding from the simplest interpretation. Carl G. Jung also has some wise words so have a little look at his work too.
Love though is love and as hard as it may be you have to remain strong and know that even at the toughest times to truly love someone is to set them free.